Geriatrics

My heart aches for those elderly who are being cared for in "new"and "strange" surroundings. I'm not speaking from my days of studying geriatrics but from my own personal experiences with family members as well, towit: my own mother, father in law and presently, mother in law. "Replacing" an elderly person in a different environment, different from their own home, is much like replanting a plant from one pot to an other. While we may give it all the loving and tender care by providing it with water, fertilizer and sunlight we still see the plant slowly withering away and die prematurely. In only very few cases do we find that this occurs because of a pre-existing biological problem of the plant. We find that the main problem with a replanted plant is that the soil in the new location makes the difference. If the soil was different the likelyhood of a plant dying was extemely high.

Now, can I compare an individual's home with the soil of a plant? Yes I do. Imaging we would be moved, one day, to a nice and comfortable hotel and be provided with all that we needed to live on, including some luxuries; those around us would be friendly, loving and would express themselves as willing to do anything to make us happy in our new situation. How long would we be content? No matter how well we are being "taken care of" the feeling of "being on vacation" would wear off after a while and miscontent, sadness, unhappiness and boredom would set in. "Home-sickness" would gradually get worse and we would see the development, out of self-interest and preservation, of new behaviors as a substitution for unmet needs.

A person's security and emotional/psychological comfort zone lies in the familiar surroundings (the "soil") that he/she lived or grew up in. The pictures on the wall, the rugs on the floor, the chair they used to sit in for so many years, the knick- knacks around the home as reminders of of past adventures and experiences, a kitchen that had a place for everything where they could find things blind folded, a look out the window at a familiar scene, a garden, people that would visit or they would visit, a creaky door or floor, etc. etc. All that is the "soil" we cannot replace when we have to take care of an aged family member.
I've learned mostly through the "school of hard knocks" that, no matter how much you do, how much you care, how much you love them, you still get the feeling sometimes you are not doing enough or you are not appreciated for what you do.

Love them and remember, as our parents, they changed our poopy diapers each day and didn't scold us for messing up. They worked all their life to provide for us. And if they didn't leave a cent in inheritance, for us? Hurray, they spent it the way they chose to. I saw a bumper sticker on a camper one day that read, "We are spending our childrens' inheritance" which I thought was great. Unless the person is mentally incapable (?) we cannot/should not try to change their behaviors, unless it is against "house rules," when those observed behaviors were there already, and acceptable, when we grew up with them. As kids, we thought our parents had "oddeties" but when my mother moved in with us we didn't try to change that. That was what made her special. That was what made her "our" mother. No greater love was grown and experienced than during the time we took care of my mother and later my father in law and at the present time my mother in law. I would not have wanted to have missed this for anything. Was it hard on us and difficult? YES! Would we do it again? YES!

A come back

Has is really been that long ago? Actually I missed blogging for a long time but became addicted to reading and commenting on FaceBook. I have missed communicating with people who communicate in an "intelligent" language. Like General Mac Arthur, I too say now: "I shall return."